


Figuring It Out

by ThreeStarPreath



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 20:58:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10171901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeStarPreath/pseuds/ThreeStarPreath
Summary: The one where Emily Sonnett figures out that she likes girls throughout the years.





	1. Five

**Author's Note:**

> Literally none of these are edited so take that for what it is.

The first time Emily sees a girl kiss another girl, she’s five years old. 

 

It’s her older sister Becky’s eleventh birthday party and there’s fifth grade girls in Hogwarts robes casting spells and running  _ everywhere _ . Honestly Em is just trying to survive this party with the bare minimum. It’s already a blistering June weekend and her parents have been grumpy all day because along with Becky’s birthday party, they have to deal with their other five daughters and their various activities. So the kindergartener tries her best to stay out of their way.

 

Emily spends the afternoon chasing after her sister Julie until Jules gets tired and ends up falling asleep mid-quidditch tournament in their playhouse. Unable to keep up with the group of fifth graders, Emily goes in search of some cake. 

 

Twenty minutes later, Emily resigns herself to the steps of the front porch, loose Hufflepuff tie around her neck and stupid bright yellow shorts on her scraggly knees, slowly plowing through her fourth piece of chocolate cake when she hears a peel of laughter ring out from down the road. 

 

It’s her oldest sister Ali and their next door neighbor Ashlyn walking up the street. They’re coming back from school soccer tryouts. Emily only cares because Ali wouldn’t stop stress organizing their bathroom last weekend. It took a fight between Ali, Becky, Emily’s two other older sisters Alex, Christen and finally Julie peeing her pants in the hallway to get Ali to channel her stress somewhere else. Emily swears her room has never looked better since Ali barged in and color coded her closet. 

 

The kindergartener shovels a frosting covered morsel in her mouth and chews, watching Ali and Ashlyn murmur together at the end of Ashlyn’s driveway. Ashlyn is telling some story rather animatedly by the way her hands are flailing around Ali’s face. Ali is nodded, a small smile never leaving her face except to let out a loud laugh that Ali only reserves for Ashlyn and maybe Emily if the youngster needs some serious cheering up. 

 

Through Ali’s otherwise normal demeanor, Emily notices her sister is nervous.Emily scrunches up her face because why would Ali be nervous right now? She’s with Ashlyn, her best friend since  _ forever _ . And Emily is also grossed out by the small red trickle coming from Ali’s thumb, a sure sign that she’s been chewing the skin around the nail which has always been Ali’s signature anxiety move. 

 

Just as Emily is about to call out and remind her that “germs are everywhere Alexandra” she sees Ali almost headbutt Ashlyn mid sentence and presses her lips against the brunette keeper’s with a loud smack. 

 

“MY TEACHER SAYS WE DON’T KISS OUR FRIENDS” 

 

Emily doesn’t know why that’s the first thing out of her mouth after her initial shock, but by the glare and pure loathing Ali has burning in her eyes as she sprints down the sidewalk, leaving Ashlyn stunned in her dust, it’s enough for Emily to drop her cake in the grass and run to Christen for protection. 

 

That night, after the party is cleaned up and everyone has gone to bed. Emily tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Her mind keeps playing and replaying the kiss between her sister and Ashlyn. 

 

Emily doesn’t feel  _ weird _ about it, nor does she feel like there’s anything wrong with it but she’s more fascinated by the prospect. 

 

As she contemplates, a gaggle of hushed voices drift through the small crack between the door and the wall. The sounds hit Emily’s ears gently enough to not be disturbing but loud enough that the kindergartener is now intrigued. 

 

Careful to not wake up a snoring Julie, Emily slips out of bed and pads to the door with her blankey in tow. Her blonde head pokes out of the door and swivels on an axis as she tries to find the origin of the voices. The only light on in the hallway is the light coming from underneath Becky and Ali’s door. 

 

_ Wait, so you like kissed Ash for real? _

_ Yeah Beck and oh my god, it was like, insane _

_ Then what happened?! _

_ Ugh, them freckled dork face had to ruin it  _

_ Emily saw you? _

 

“I’m sorry Ali” Emily decides that’s the best way to enter the room and get in on the rest of the gossip. 

 

Ali and Becky both freeze and take in their baby sister, standing in their doorway with her duck print pajamas and worn thin baby blanket clutched to her face. Becky smirks, it’s kind of pathetic because she knows exactly what Emily is doing and she also knows that Ali is a goddamn sucker for their littlest sister. 

 

“It’s okay Emmer,” Ali opens her arms and invites Emily to jump in her bed.

 

Once the lights are out and she’s snuggled into Ali’s arms, tucked into the full sized bed she’s always been envious of, Emily feels comfortable to ask the golden question. 

 

“Uhm Ali? So you can kiss boys and girls?”

 

“Yeah Em” 

  
Emily nods and tucks away the information for another day. Or maybe for when she's six. 


	2. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whoops didn't see that pairing coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! They're wonderful and appreciated!!

The first crush Emily has on a girl she’s thirteen. 

 

She’s at her first U15 camp in LA and it’s fucking brutal. There are triple days, endless weight lifting sessions and Em swears that she can hear the beep test in the background of her dreams. 

 

Out of all the tears, dirt, sweat, blood-stained socks and cleat tightenings, the one thing unrelated to food getting Emily through this camp is her roommate: Morgan Brian. 

 

Morgan is awkward, hilarious without meaning to be and has a work ethic that Emily can only describe as inspiring. Moe is from Georgia and has a voice that drips with something syrupy like honey or cinnamon. She cannot get her mind off of this lanky string bean from Saint Simon’s Island. 

 

They spend almost every waking moment together. Whether it’s at practice trying to beat each other in sprints, sitting in ice baths trying to talk amidst the chattering of teeth and blue lips or trying to make each other laugh while one is on the phone with family. It makes Emily's heart unnecessarily happy when Morgan charms college freshmen Alex and Christen via two separate FaceTime calls after a rough Cal versus Stanford spring scrimmage. 

 

Emily doesn’t really realise that it’s a crush, she’s had close female friendships her entire life. Hell, Emily has FIVE older sisters so she considers herself someone who highly respects and values women in all senses. And to be completely honest, Emily isn’t sure she’s even had an actual crush yet. 

 

In her minor panic, Emily decides to calls up her sisters to ask them about how she would know if she had a crush on somebody.

 

Becky, now a college sophomore at UVA, says that she knew her liked her first crush when the thought of him made her so overwhelmed that she refused to talk to him for two weeks until he finally gave up and stopped talking to her. 

 

In a joint call to Alex and Christen, Christen’s shyness shines through as she quietly tells Emily that she felt like she was falling, wildly through space and didn’t care to stop it. Alex is the opposite and describes being grounded, that her first crush made her hyper-aware of the world around her and how her stomach would flip at the littlest thing Servando did. 

 

Penn State junior Ali recounts how safe Ashlyn has always made her feel, even as they combat long distance with Ash away at UNC, while Julie just shrugs and tells her  _ you’ll know dumbass.  _

 

Emily takes in each of her sister’s words with several grains of salt and files them away for another time. Another time turns out to be the night before Emily is poised to start in their game against China.

 

The entire team decides to have a spontaneous “recovery session” in their hotel pool immediately after dinner. Emily and Moe are pulled in different directions by different groups of teammates. Morgan is giggling on lounge chairs with Kealia and Dani while Emily, Sofia and Casey head straight for the water, roping in other teammates to play chicken. 

 

Two hours later Moe and Emily are the last ones left in the pool, opting to float on their backs and look at the stars while everyone else taps out in order to get some sleep. 

 

They’re both in sports bras and training shorts, too lazy to change after before diving in. Morgan’s hair has fallen out of her usual haphazard bun and each chestnut strand is splayed against the water. Emily keeps one eye trained on the stars to avoid looking suspicious while the other is periodically soaking in every aspect she can about the rambling fourteen-year-old to her left. 

 

Morgan has a few small freckles that crest the apples of her cheeks. There’s a faint scar above her left eye where her older sister pushed her into a bush and a thorn slashed her right below her eyebrow. Whenever she smiles, gets sassy or has something on the tip of her tongue, Morgan’s eyes glimmer and Emily swears she can see stars within hazel eyes. 

Moe is also muscular in ways that Emily didn't think were possible. As they float Em watches her abs flex and even the miniscule muscles in Morgan's arms and wrist buldge as she keeps herself afloat in the warm water. Emily gets lost in studying every flexed muscle and slight moistening of Moe's lips as she speaks about something that Emily isn't even hearing because she is so, utterly fascinated and bewitched by the sheer being of Morgan Brian. 

 

_ Holy shit. Julie was right.  _

 

Before she can properly panic, Moe’s voice pulls Emily out of her lovesick daze. 

 

“Em?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I said, have you had your first kiss yet?” 

 

Emily’s stomach flips and her heart falls before her brain processes the question. She sits up, running her hands through her hair as she treads water in order to look at Morgan in the eye. 

 

_ This is it. I have to tell her _ . The words are running on a continuous loop in the teenager’s head. Emily knows she has to say something or else she’s going to combust. 

 

“Uh no, not yet. Haven’t found the right frog in my swamp” She opts for a less than smooth segue. 

 

Morgan rolls her eyes at Emily’s poor excuse for levity before continuing. 

 

“Oh good, I was worried because Sofia just had hers like, last week with some guy from her club and Dani won’t shut up about how she and Daniel are planning to kiss when she gets back from camp and I didn’t want to be the only one left out,” Morgan confesses, pulling her hair back into a wet ponytail. 

 

“Do you think you’re ready for your first kiss?” the younger girl swallows. 

 

Morgan cocks her head to the side as if she was trying to answer that question for herself. Truth be told, Morgan is nervous. All of her friends have started kissing boys or girls and she feels like she's watching them sprint ahead in life while she stays behind them with a soccer ball tucked under her foot. 

 

“I mean, kinda, I guess.”

 

And without warning, despite the blaring sirens going off in her head screaming at her that  _ she should definitely not do what she’s doing right now _ , Emily closes the gap between herself and Moe. 

 

The kiss is messy, full of sweat and chlorine and a slight hint of the blue Gatorade they chugged after training. The kiss is Emily pressing her lips as hard as she can against Morgan’s trying to alleviate the pressure of her emotions. The kiss is also Morgan, taken aback and confused but also intrigued enough to slide a clumsy tongue along what ends up the bottom of Emily’s lip, grazing soft skin and tasting the chemically altered water and a clean sweetness that is inherently and uniquely Emily. 

 

The girls pull away after a few more seconds, pushing back hastily until their backs are against ceramic walls and there’s a pool between them. Morgan bites her lip and exhales slowly. Emily isn’t one hundred percent sure if it’s her imagination or if there’s a smile playing at the edges of Moe’s lips. 

 

Emily’s beginning to deeply regret this entire show of insane bravery when the swell of a wave that Morgan’s body creates from swimming towards her, dies and Moe's lips are once again sealed on Emily’s. 

 

While her hands find refuge in Morgan’s hair and Moe’s hands are cupping both sides of her face, Emily decides that she  _ really _ likes having a crush. 

 


	3. Fifteen (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming out isn't easy and sisters are assholes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time getting this out. Not exactly how I wanted it but it's enough to get me going on this story again. Cheers everyone.

It takes Emily two years to come out. 

The realization that she likes kissing girls has been slowly simmering in her stomach since her first kiss with Morgan in the pool. Some days Emily won’t even think about her sexuality. Her days are packed with sports, school and getting quality time with whichever sister is leaving for college next. Other days Emily has too much time and allows her brain to churn and over analyze each miniscule action, sorting them into “gay or not gay” moments. 

Gay: Moe, her crush turned best friend. Their two weeks of girl kissing fizzled out after they left camp but still remain good friends on the national team and occasionally play wingman (albeit they’re terrible) for each other on nights off.

Then comes Lindsey, her math tutor and the first set of boobs she's ever touched. Emily has never actually  _ seen  _ breasts that don't belong to one of her sisters but she has coped a feel and she's absolutely adding points for that. Yes, definitely a point on the board for Team Gay. 

Not Gay: Complementing Sofia on her dress because it made her ass look good. Emily has an appreciation for butts of all genders.  

Gay: Thinking about touching said butt while she kisses the matte pink lipstick off of Sofia’s lips until they’re both breathless and ready to ditch the party they’re going to.  

Not Gay: platonic forehead kisses with Amandine because her guinea pig died last summer. 

Gay: Not so platonic mouth kisses because Amandine’s guinea pig died. 

When the score stands at 5-3 Gay, Emily can feel the familiar twinge and wave of nausea come over her when her brain starts to overanalyze things. It takes fifteen seconds for her to run down the hall and shove open the door before her dinner comes hurling up and into the toilet. 

Emily knows it’s pent up stress catching up to her from staying in the closet for the last two years. Her sisters cry or break things but Emily gets violently ill. 

Her sisters come shushing each other obnoxiously through the front door just as Emily empties her stomach for the fifth time. The older girls had been out at a house party with some of their old high school teammates, reliving their prep glory days and destroying Allie Long’s parents house.

“Guys, guys! I think Emmer just puked” Alex slurred. Emily could hear all five women stop banging around the kitchen to listen for their youngest sister’s heaves. Em doesn’t hear the stumbling coming up the stairs, nor does she register the door opening and people filing in around her.

“Oh no you guyssss” Christen’s drunk whine fills the small room “Emmy’s sick.”

“Shit what does Mom do when we throw up? Al, Alster, Ali, ALI what does mom do? WHAT DOES MOM DO ALI?” Becky’s voice is frantic, acting like Emily has a limb cut off instead of just throwing up. 

“WASHCLOTH” Alex exclaims. A second later Emily feels a soaking wet cloth slap her straight in the face. 

“FUck you Alex.” Em sputters. She takes the washcloth off of her head and wipes her mouth. With her head out of the toilet she’s met with all of her sisters sitting in the bathroom. Becky’s trying to keep herself steady on the counter, slipping off every few moments. Julie sits in the bathtub in between Alex and Christen, her head on Christen’s shoulder while Alex pets the blonde like a puppy.

“Shhhh” Ali spits into Emily’s hair, bear hugging her sister from behind “s’okay Em-Em-Emmer. You’re going to be ooooookay” 

If Emily wasn’t in hell before this is it. 

“Everyone needs to get out.” Emily manages to spit out before another wave of nausea hits and she’s back to heaving in the porcelain bowl. 

Her sisters scramble over each other and out the door and Emily is again left alone to be sick in peace. Five minutes pass without any other signs of nausea so Emily brushes her teeth, takes a quick shower and heads back to her bedroom.  She switches out her light and crawls into her bed, silently pouring blessings on her mother who washed the sheets that morning. Emily reaches for her phone and begins to scroll through her Snapchat stories, rolling her eyes and smiling at the tomfuckery her sisters got into earlier. 

During a particular story posted by Allie that has her sister and that Heath girl who lived across the street in a precarious position, Emily feels a body fall on top of hers and a quiet  _ oomf _ in her ear. 

“Julie, what the hell?”

“Move over dumbass, I’m not as tiny as you.” Julie whispers.

Emily scoots over to the edge of the bed and Julie gives an exaggerated sigh of relief. The younger girl can’t help but roll her eyes and smile, just a little bit, at the backhanded concern her sister is showing. 

They lay in silence for a few minutes, listening to the low rumble of Alex and Christen’s fan next door and trying to ignore Ali and Ashlyn’s drunken hook up down the hall. Emily’s half asleep with Julie’s hair in her face when Jules takes a deep breath. 

“You know, you didn’t have to throw up just to tell us you’re gay.”

Emily’s eyes snap open and whips her neck around to face Julie. The older girl’s face is serene, eyes closed like she didn’t just drop a fucking bomb on Emily’s psyche. 

“How the fuck did you figure that out?” Emily sputters, unable to believe it. 

Julie shrugs and turns over to the wall “Alex and I read your journal last night when you were out with Steph and Stretch and Sofia. Don’t worry, Becky and Christen insisted that it was unethical so they still don’t know and Alster wasn’t there so you can still come out properly.”

Emily can’t do anything but grumble because Julie’s soft snores tumble out of her mouth after less than a minute.

“You’re an asshole Julie.” are Emily’s last words before falling asleep, relieved that someone finally understood. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
